The Contented Cow Blog

Building Workplaces That Work

One thing my father repeatedly told me was “Put your mind in gear before you put your mouth in motion.” Although he would have been among the first to acknowledge that he often failed to take his own advice, it’s good advice nonetheless. What we say - the words we use - or sometimes more importantly, the ones we don’t use, make a big difference.

Just ask any of the current presidential candidates. There are lots of thoughts they probably wish they, their supporters, and their spouses had kept to themselves.

A couple of weeks ago, I took my 74-year-old mother to the airport, so she could fly to Tennessee to visit my sister. Mom’s in remarkable shape. She’s employed full time, works out at a local gym 2 or 3 times a week, and goes to line dancing class every Thursday. Each Friday, she gets her hair done.

As has always been the case, people are still often surprised, when they meet her, to know that she’s my mother. Most remark that she doesn’t appear to be old enough to have a child my age (gee, thanks). 

She drives all over town, travels with some regularity (Europe in a couple of weeks), and has an active social life revolving around friends, neighbors, and her church.

While we were walking through the Jacksonville airport, with Mom pulling her roll-aboard suitcase, and walking at a brisk pace, a gentleman who appeared to be in his 60’s, and who worked in some capacity for the airport, was walking by, and greeted us with a cheerful “Good Morning!” We responded in kind, and then he said to my mother, “Ma’am, would you like me to get you a wheelchair?”

I nearly had to restrain her to keep her from beating the man about the head and shoulders in the manner of Ruth Buzzi on Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In from the 60’s.

She declined the offer (I started to say “graciously declined”, but I’m not certain that would state it accurately), and marched, without any assistive devices or vehicles, to the security line, and got on her flight, smarting just a bit, perhaps, because this man of extremely good intentions and kind heart, failed to engage his mind before he did his lips.

A few days later, I stopped by our local supermarket to pick up a few items. Because I live in the same neighborhood I grew up in (I know - very unusual), it is not uncommon to see people I’ve known since childhood.

I ran into a retired couple (I know this for a fact - they are retired - I’m not making an assumption) whose kids are just a few years younger than I, and whom I guess I have known most of my life.

After the usual pleasantries and inquiries as to the health and wellbeing of myself and my family, the woman in the couple said, “So are you retired now?”

Retired?! No, I’m not retired, and with one kid in college and another one who soon will be, I don’t see that prospect on the horizon any time soon.

I don’t know if she asked the question because she thought I looked to be of retirement age, or because I appeared not to be gainfully employed, milling around the grocery store in the middle of a Thursday.

Over the course of the last few months, I have, intentionally, dropped about 30 pounds. As a result, I feel much better, and my family tells me I look better. I ran into an old friend last week, someone I hadn’t seen in about a year. He said, “Richard, you’re looking really good!”

“Thank you,” I said, feeling even more satisfied about not eating the way I’d really like to all the time.

“What is it? Are you coloring your hair?”

 So much for the compliment. And no, I’m not coloring my hair. As far as I know, Just For Men doesn’t sell a color called “Salt and Pepper.”

Just because you think it doesn’t mean you have to say it. I learned long ago that just because a woman appears to be carrying a little extra up front, and may be presumed to be pregnant, is no reason to give voice to that presumption.

At any rate, the solicitous airport worker, the retired couple, and the old friend taught me a lesson. Remember what Dad always said: “Put your mind in gear before you put your mouth in motion.”

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